By Whitney Meers

MMario Bros. has Yoshi. Mega Man has Rush. Duck Hunt has that nameless mutt that always laughs when a player misses a shot.

Studies show people who own pets live longer and, on average, have lower blood pressure than non-pet owners. Could these statistics likewise apply to fictional people? Yep. Video game characters with pets travel, stomp, kill, eat and chase faster than characters without pets. It makes pet owning an enticing way to defeat enemies.

Here’s an overview of five programmed pets that gaming fanatics love, and one with no love lost:

1. Yoshi: Mario Bros. series

In all their original eight-bit glory, Mario and Luigi had only each other as they battled Koopa Troops, Boos and Bullet Bills throughout the Mushroom Kingdom. Upon entering into the sixteen-bit era, the brothers stumbled across an egg – one that hatched a playful and mysterious dinosaur known as Yoshi.

Yoshi is Mario’s version of Old Yeller, he’s always there to save the day when least expected (except he doesn’t get rabies and die at the end of the story). After Mario sets him free from that egg, he becomes a permanent fixture of Mushroom Kingdom, even spawning a series of Yoshi titles for the SNES and DS. Friendly, kind and always there in a bind, players have been relying on Yoshi to help get them out of tight situations for more than two decades. His long tongue and powerful stomp make it markedly easier for the mustachioed brothers to defend against their enemies.

Like any good pet, Yoshi’s mission is to protect his owner from prospective danger. Despite the fact that it’s a scientific impossibility given his male gender, Yoshi can even lay his own eggs. While that’s a little bit peculiar (and totally awesome), the even more puzzling question in the Super Mario World is the question of which came first: the Yoshi or the egg?

Named after the Japanese word for “great,” Yoshi is decidedly the greatest pet to ever come from a video game.

2. Epona: Zelda series

In the early days of Hyrule, Link had to go it alone against the dark forces to save Princess Zelda. But when the series reached Ocarina of Time, Link found a partner who’d stay with him throughout the rest of his journeys –his horse Epona, from an extinct Celtic language meaning “Great Mare.” Though she shies away at first, Epona eventually warms to Link and the two become one on their mission to save the kingdom.

Epona helps Link navigate difficult terrain, assisting him in his plight to overcome obstacles that he would not otherwise be able to surpass. But beyond that, she shows her loyalty by rushing to meet Link faster than a drunken nincompoop can scream “tequila shots!” any time he whistles a song for her. Play her tune, and there she is by Link’s side.

Horse riding connects owner to animal through mutual trust and respect. The relationship between Link and Epona exemplifies this connection. She’s an essential part of the game and a friend to Link when he’s in need, so long as he and the rest of his Legend buddies watch out for horse droppings.

3. Rush: Mega Man series

Since making his debut in Mega Man 3, Rush has shown that a robotic man can be so much more when he has a robotic dog by his side.

Gifted in his robotic tendencies, Rush isn’t there just to fetch the morning paper. In the earlier Mega Man games, he helped Mega Man by transforming into a hover board, a coil, or a submarine. But, by Mega Man 8, he defied what gamers knew was possible when he transformed into a motorcycle and displayed his healing abilities. These increased abilities earn Rush his well deserved place as one of the most iconic video game pets. Without Rush, Mega Man would be forced to face his enemies solo, struggling unabated when he’s close to death or simply needing to get over a seemingly impassable wall.

Rush—trained by Mega Man to perform all kinds of crazy world saving maneuvers—once more demonstrates the true bond, this time between a man (or robot-man) and his dog (or robot-dog). It just goes to show the value of an amazing, loyal pet. In the real world, mankind can’t even get their “best friends” to stop peeing in the house, and the only superpower these mutts have is the amazing ability to make little Jonny’s homework magically disappear.

4. Chocobo: Final Fantasy series

Birds make for interesting pets. While they look cute or even beautiful, they usually don’t do much but sit in a cage and squawk all day while their owners are stuck cleaning up their mess. Let the bird out of the cage and it can spell disaster – hell hath no fury like an angry bird. There’s a reason someone made a video game series about a group of vengeful fowls. But ownership doesn’t have to mean signing your life away to one of Hitchcock’s eyeball pecking pests.

The beloved Chocobos from the Final Fantasy series started off as cartoonish yellow chicken-like creatures, but later morphed into borderline frightening-looking beings that could rival pterodactyls. These adorably noisy birds help the Light Warriors efficiently journey the land, like a plumed version of a Prius. (Why a Prius? Because they’re easy to handle, practical and can travel long distances without much fuel.)

In some Asian cultures, birds symbolize immortality. Chocobos certainly immortalized themselves as essential helpers to the heroes in the Final Fantasy series. While they don’t guarantee total immortality, they certainly contribute to the quality and longevity of a player character’s life.

Hands down, Chocobos win the award for best avian creations to grace the old school video game world – bird-brained and all.

5. Blobert: A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia

If pets could talk, they would speak of undying loyalty and devotion to their owners. And then they would run off to sniff another butt, scratch up another bedpost or mark their territory on their owners’ favorite pair of tennis shoes.

The cool thing about Blobert is that he actually can, and does, do almost anything for his friend. The 1989 video game, A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia demonstrates the inlying power of having a companion (Can a blob really be called a pet?) that looks like it escaped from a custard factory after a nuclear explosion. Feed him different flavored jelly bean treats and there’s nothing he won’t do… from turning into a ladder or hole to help his boy move over / through a wall to morphing into an umbrella after consuming a vanilla flavored bean.

It’s great that Blobert was actually fairly useful, because the boy (who was strangely never given a name, and is simply known as “boy” throughout the series) probably doesn’t get very many props from the cool kids at school for being followed around by a ball of organic matter that looks a little bit like lumpy, sour milk.

Somewhere, there’s a housecat hanging her head from feelings of inadequacy.

6. Laughing Dog: Duck Hunt

Animals, like humans, can sometimes be jerks. While dogs are supposed to be man’s best friend, some of them are more akin to the a-hole who picked on everyone in high school.

None more so than the laughing dog from Duck Hunt. While he tirelessly retrieves ducks, he also has no reservations about ridiculing players who can’t shoot anything on a given run. Cracked.com officially ranks the laughing dog as #1 on its “The 15 Most Annoying Video Game Characters (From Otherwise Great Games)” list, a reputation well-earned after nearly three decades of Duck Hunt dickheadedness.

The problem with the Duck Hunt Dog is that his entire essence runs contrary to what a good dog is supposed to be. A good dog would never make fun of its owner – it would provide unconditional love when the owner failed. It’s like a sucker punch seeing and hearing the dog ridicule the person who loves him, cares for him and taught him how to hunt.

Kids today complain about poor gameplay and shoddy connections. But back in the 1980s, gamers had real problems, like this stupid dog that everyone hated and couldn’t shoot. It seems counterintuitive that players can shoot everything on the screen except the thing they want to shoot the most. His laugh still echoes like a two-dimensional version of nails on a chalkboard. Need a refresher?

Though he’s one of the most iconic video game characters of a generation, let this sleeping dog lie.

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